The Curse of the Square Crow
Amazon Cover - The Curse of the Square C

In this book of illustrated humorous verse, we take up the challenge of throwing some light on a few possibly puzzling phenomena encountered in real life, though how much light is hard to say. We must hope that others will in the future improve upon our efforts. For example, why do dogs so often delight in snapping wasps out of the air? How hungry can they be? The reason we have arrived at will astound you.

 

There again, what is a completely novel way to win a cooking competition – even if you can't cook? It's all here. Have you thought about handbags recently? Why are they so often made from crocodile hide? We wonder about this. Apart from all this, would you like to find a way to make the summer longer and the winter shorter? Thought so! We show how to do it. There are so many other subjects, including advice on how best to cheer up an octopus that has been insulted, and an investigation on alternative meanings of various sayings, such as: 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'. This one could be a real lifesaver! A question uppermost in many people's minds is whether reincarnation is a real possibility. We have made some small progress here perhaps. All these things and many more are considered, but the book is not intended primarily for children.

 

All humans would benefit in some way from the homespun wisdom that is on offer here, and if their English is not as good as their French, there are explanations of the poems in French as well, though the poems are in English of course. In all, there are 33 poems in rhyming verse, each with an excellent illustration in full colour by Reine Mazoyer

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The Rimes of the Newfangled Mariner

Following ‘Rhymes for no Reason’, his first foray into the realms of humorous nonsense poetry, Dick Dixon has now set sail with ‘The Rimes of the Newfangled Mariner’.  It did seem to him that the Ancient Mariner was a little long in the tooth now, and probably needed an upgrade.

 

His journey of thirty-odd poems is brilliantly adorned in full colour by the intrepid Reine Mazoyer, a brave survivor from the previous journey. Reine was immensely helpful with the more technical aspects of sailing;  she also kept a constant watch on supplies of Martini, the favourite and indeed indispensable lubricant  necessary for mariners to ensure a smooth passage through the treacherous waters of  domestic philosophy, and the swamps and jungles of homespun wisdom. We must never underestimate the power of Martini, and just hope that there will also be some accompanying gin on special occasions.

 

By various means, and considerably aided by the judicious application of the above-mentioned liquids, the pioneering duo were able to gain important insights into skeletons (inside and outside the cupboard), human frogs, icebergs under great stress and of course snoring dogs. One of their more unusual discoveries was that nightingales sing in the key of E flat. Surely it will be possible for the reader to make use of such nuggets of wisdom in due course.

At the end of the journey, the two mariners were able to voice a long sigh of relief as they dropped anchor and drained the last of the Martini.

 

I do hope that your own journey will be slightly less disturbing, and possibly even enjoyable, as you sail through the book.

Rhymes of the Newfangled Mariner
NEW EDITION COMING SOON!
 
Rhymes for No Reason

Rhymes for no Reason' is a little book of poems suitable for anyone between 12 and 92. The poems, of which there are thirty or so, are intended to take your mind off the horrors of this world for a few moments and introduce a space in your day where you can unwind and be amused, rather than have to weep with the stress of modern existence! The subject matter ranges over many different areas and styles of poetry. You will be able to meet a tree which grows upside down, able to survive by drawing unsuspecting passers-by towards its dark web of branches, a lady who has a rather surprising encounter with a hot curry, another lady who winds up in a desert area of Spain cooking huge animals with the aid of handlebars... and many other rather unusual situations. You will find vegetarianism more attractive after this! Each poem is accompanied by a striking and rather beautiful illustration in full colour, which makes this book rather unusual I think. 'Rhymes for no Reason' would make the perfect present for the person who has everything else! By the way, for those who wish to polish up their French, there is at the back a translation of the essentials of each poem into French, thoughtfully provided by the illustrator, who is the French artist Reine Mazoyer.  We do hope you enjoy our book.

Rhymes for No Reason is available to buy directly from the author for £10 including postage & packing.